What Incest Does
by SlashLover93
Summary: Ponyboy has a dark secret that's killing him inside. Incest.
1. Pain

**********Disclaimer- I do not own The Outsiders**

**What Incest Does**

**Warnings: Incest, self harm, attempted suicide, and lots and lots of angst**

**Chapter 1: Pain**

Pony is in love with somebody he shouldn't be in love with.

Not only is it a guy, but it's his own brother.

That's just so sick and wrong in so many ways.

You're NOT supposed to love your brother like that.

It's bad enough to be gay, but to be in love with your own flesh in blood?

That's just WAY too over the top.

He would cause riots if anyone knew. He would definitely be thrown in the wacky shack if he wasn't murdered first.

Why did it have to be him? Pony would rather it be anybody, but him…Even Steve.

Pony can't even look at him anymore.

He's full of shame, guilt, disgust, loneliness, and hurt.

He can never be with the one he loves. NEVER! Not only is it wrong and unnatural, but his brother will never love him back. Pony knows him, he's not like that. He's the responsible one, the one with common sense; he ain't a sicko like Pony. He'd be disgusted and kick him out, and never want to see or speak to him again.

This secret has been eating him up inside, it's been killing him. He has become distant from the gang, not talking to anyone, or acknowledging them, he's been in his own little world.

And, Pony just can't take it no more. He grabbed his notebook and pencil off of his desk in his and Soda's room, then made his way to the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

He sat on the toilet seat and wrote something in his notebook. When he was done, he sat it on the sink, and dug into the covert, until he found what he wanted.

'_A razor'_

This ain't new to him; he cut himself a lot of times before.

This was his punishment for the gay, incestuous love he had for his brother.

He would rather feel physical pain, than the emotional pain he always felt.

The first couple of times hurt like hell, but after a while of doing it, it felt good.

It freed him.

Pony pressed the razor blade right into his pulse on his left wrist and cut the deepest he's ever cut before. Blood gushed out like a raging waterfall. He got dizzy and lightheaded.

This doesn't mean anything, Pony wasn't Pony anymore, he was just a shell of his old self, the real Ponyboy Michael Curtis died along time ago, the secret he carried ate up inside until there was nothing left and he just can't stay like this anymore.

He was ready to leave this earth.

People say if you kill yourself you go to hell, but Pony's already going there no matter what, so what's the difference?

He fell off the toilet seat, falling face first onto the cold tiled floor. The room started spinning, before his whole world went black in complete darkness.

_Pain, without love  
Pain, I can't get enough  
Pain, I like it rough  
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all  
_

**I'm sorry if it's too short and sucky...It will get better I promise! I wrote this for my challenge. Every chapter in this story will be based off of a Three Days Grace song. Review, but please don't flame!**


	2. It's All Over

**I want to thank all the people who reviewed the first chapter, it means a lot!! Sorry this chapter took so long, I'll try to have the next chapter up sooner!!!**

**What Incest Does**

**Chapter 2: It's All Over  
**

Darry is sitting beside Pony's hospital bed, holding his hand, with tears in his eyes.

Pony is dying. He's been in a coma for almost a month now. Not only did he cut himself, he starved himself to.

He's all skin and bones. He weighs under a hundred pounds. All his blood is drained from his features, making him deathly pale. His skin is like ice.

Darry looks at Pony's arms; they have healing scars all over them. He then looks at the deadly scar on Pony's left wrist that's all stitched up and wrapped up in a white bandage. He had cut so deep, he had got three veins.

He is hooked up to a bunch of tubes to give him blood, nutrients, to help him breathe, and for other stuff he needs.

Darry knows Pony is already dead. He's been in a coma for a while now and that isn't a good sign. Even the doctors say he doesn't have a good chance.

Pony is done. He is never going to wake up and that killed Darry.

"I hate you, Ponyboy." Darry says.

He does hate Pony. He hates him for doing this to himself. He hates him for putting him through this. He hates that when he found Pony passed out in the bathroom, in a pool of his own blood, there was a note in his notebook saying:

_By the time you read this, I'll be dead. You're probably wondering why I did this to myself, well, it's complicated. I've just been keeping this huge, dark secret for so long, a secret that could hurt everyone. I love Darry and not in a brotherly way, in a way I shouldn't. I'm not normal. I'm sick for loving my brother like that. So, can't you see why I had to do this? I'm so sorry, but all of you would be way better off without a sicko like me._

_~Ponyboy Curtis~_

"You're stupid." Darry says, refusing to let the stinging tears in his eyes fall.

Darry has always loved his baby brother and that's why he was such a hard ass to him all the time, so he couldn't get close enough to him to try anything.

Sure, it's wrong, abnormal, disgusting, and forbidden in the world. Darry knew all that. It pained him as much as it did Pony, but the difference is Darry didn't give in to the pain, didn't let it eat him up inside like Pony did.

"I love you to. Sure, it wouldn't have been all rainbows and butterflies, it would have been hard, but we could have been together if you really wanted to be."

Darry's eyes burns into Pony's closed eyelids. He hates how Pony has just given up, given in to the pain.

"I've always loved you, I just never thought you could love me back, now I know and you're leaving me … y-you can't just leave, not now … not ever."

Darry gasps as he sees Pony slowly open up his eyes.

"P-P-Pony," Darry asks softly in disbelief.

Pony just stares at him, his face screwed up in pain.

Darry smiles.

"Oh my god, Pony, you're …" He says with hope.

Pony's lip trembles as he opens his mouth to say something, but quickly snaps it shut like it hurt him to speak.

"It's ok, baby, you don't have to say anything. Don't force yourself." Darry says gently.

Darry stood up, let go of Pony's hand, and walked to the door.

"Pony, I'll be back. I just need to tell the doctors –"

"Y-you … s-sho-uld … h-have … j-just … l-let … m-me … d-die." Pony says weakly, his voice raspy.

Darry froze, his whole body stiffening.

That statement sent daggers through his heart and it angered him.

He wants to go over and shake him roughly, smack him across the face for saying something like that to him after he put him through all of this, but he can't, so instead he turns back to his baby brother with unshed tears burning in his ice blue eyes.

"Don't you say that! Don't say that to me!"

_It's all over for  
It's all over for_

_You  
For you  
When you're on the edge and falling off  
It's all over for you  
For you  
When you're on the edge and falling off  
It's all over_


End file.
